I remember telling my parents I wanted to be a singer when I was 5. Then a pediatrician when I was 11. From then on its changed so many times that I hated the fact that I felt like I needed to choose something.
Senior year of high school came and I found my self trying to avoid any decision at all cost. Eighteen years old and I’m supposed to know what I want to do with my life, right? Well, I didn’t. In fact I was enlisting into the military just so I wouldn’t have to choose. As you can probably tell, I was talked out of that decision before it was set in stone. It definitely wasn’t for me and I needed someone to just tell me without sugar coating it.
Fast forward a year later. Here I am nineteen, still having no clue what I want to be.
“You’re young you have so much time to figure out what you want to do,” is what I’m told time and time again.
At times I forget that I am only nineteen. Getting married and moving across the world, trying to be a grown-up and still being treated and feeling like a child. To working jobs where co-workers have some years on me, and learning so much from all of them. So unintentionally I think I’m older than I actually am, yet feel so behind because everyone’s got their life all figured out and I’m so indecisive about everything.
Everyday I still can’t help feeling like I’m supposed to know what I want to do already. I feel like I could be doing so much more but not knowing what exactly my potential is or where it could come from.
I’m the type of person that like to have things planned, it makes me feel safe because I know what I’m doing. But more and more I’m starting to learn some valuable life lessons.
It’s okay to not know what you want to do.
It’s okay not to have everything planned out.
It’s okay to not be safe.
It’s okay to to take your time.
It’s okay to not have everything figured out.
It’s okay to start over if something doesn’t work out the way you hoped it would.
It’s okay to change your mind over and over how ever many times you want.
I am my biggest critic. I forget all these things and I beat myself down, make myself feel worthless because I don’t have everything figured out. Thank God that I have someone to tell me to get up and keep going, to stop being lazy and start doing something about it.
As I instill this lesson into myself, I feel more at peace with my decisions and the pace I take my own life with.